Palm Branches and Late Night TV

Do you remember the days as a kid waking up in the middle of the night by the sudden surge of last  night's dinner rearing it's dreadful face?

Splattered on the floor because you couldn't tiptoe your way to the bathroom without your night light on, and all you knew to do was whisper, "Mom, I need you!"

Lights on. Hovered over the toilet. Cold damp rag now placed on the back of your neck. A couple of saltine crackers and a small glass of ginger ale. That nauseating feeling now at bay after several heaves into some porcelain bowl. "Lord, please let this cup pass from me!"

You make your way to the living room sofa with a new set of PJ's. Your mom turns on the TV with you favorite popcorn bowl resting by your side until you doze off to sleep again.

All you can hope for is, "morning is coming!" When all will be made right by cheese toast, a glass of orange juice, and a fading memory of last night's horrific scene that formed a trail of slightly used spaghetti noodles down the hallway.

My mom and sister still get a kick at reminding me how bad of a patient I was as a kid, moaning and whining and complaining about how bad I was feeling. I was a terrible patient. I showed a low tolerance for pain and discomfort.

Just to be clear, I hate pain and suffering. It's seems so emasculating. And to think that pain is sometimes necessary is despicable to me.

I prefer comfort and convenience. And, in most cases, I like to be in control. Every 'i' dotted and every 't' crossed. Writing out my story where I get everything I ever wanted and seeing the story through to the end.

Can you imagine the Sunday before Easter? Palm Sunday as they call it. Jesus entering the streets of Jerusalem far from sickness and discomfort. In effect, the complete opposite. People laying down palm branches as He comes riding into town on a donkey. He's being treated like a king.

Those are the days we prefer. Everything lined up perfectly, going as planned. Celebrations. Parties. The rent is paid. The power still on. Maybe even a promotion. The kids' report cards have great marks. A weekend getaway just around the corner.

But you see, Jesus knew Friday was coming. We call it Good Friday. But it was far from good for those standing by who had truly cherished His friendship and committed their lives to following Him.

Later in the week He would be wrongfully accused, arrested, beaten, and crucified. Before His arrest, He would pray, "If there be any way, let this cup pass from Me!" He understood the suffering that would soon be upon Him.

Not the suffering of some virus like the flu or chicken pox. Not the suffering of smashing His finger with a hammer on His latest carpentry project. Not the suffering of cancer or a terrible auto accident. But the suffering caused by separation from the Father's presence as He bore weight of the world's sins upon His shoulders on the cross.

One of the ways that makes His suffering different than ours is that He suffered well. He embraced the suffering when He concluded His prayer with "Nevertheless, not My will but Your will be done." More importantly than escaping the suffering, as we often attempt to do, He stood in the gap and accomplished God's eternal purposes that required His suffering for your sake and mine.

While hanging on the cross, instead of blaming others for false accusations or calling out judgment for their evil deeds, He graciously asked the Father to forgive them. His crucifixion was not only the atoning sacrifice for sins but it became the catalyst for reconciliation into the family of God.

You and I would do well to see the example of Christ as an opportunity to learn to suffer well. To embrace the struggle. To let God's hand complete His work in us. To trust that what He's doing will bring about His intended purpose. To ultimately give Him His due glory.

It's normal to become angry, to place blame, to cast judgment, to feel ashamed. Those are real emotions and responses attached to every person's sinful, fallen nature. And living life with others makes these feelings even more real. But suffering well is holding on to a promise beyond the momentary afflictions we face in this life.

In spite of all that seemed to go wrong on Good Friday, Jesus knew something that His followers failed to see; Sunday is coming!

Fight or Flight

I'm a runner.

When talking with people about the weather or sports occasionally the subject of diet and exercise comes up and they make assumptions like, "Oh, you must be in really good shape."

Yes my hairstyle makes me more aerodynamic and yes I have a high metabolism. But if you think I'm cranking out countless miles on a treadmill at the gym, weaving in and out of traffic around town, or dodging trees through the woods, I'm sorry. But you're wrong.

I'm not in great shape but I can definitely play the part. There are other areas that we can all play the part as well. And one area I often try to play the part is relational conflict. When it comes to conflict in relationships we can choose fight or flight.

Remember, I said I was a runner. Not on the steady incline of some machine or the winding trails in the great outdoors. Mainly just from conversations that begin escalating from differing opinions and dodging words that cut deep to the heart.

I'm not the Rocky Balboa of relationships where I stand in there and take the punches looking to hold out for victory in the final round. I'm more like the Usain Bolt of conflict. When conflict arises, I jet.

The real question isn't do we fight or flight; it's, what are we doing to resolve the conflict.

This is for the fighters. Listen. This is for those who want to go the distance. What if you just stand in there and listen? Not contemplating your next move. The next phrase that will set the conversation on edge. No retaliation. No points to be counted. Not looking to see who wins this round. Just listen.

Begin to consider how and why they feel the way they do. Why they see the situation the way they do. What about their past and present circumstances are causing them to respond the way they are. It doesn't mean they're right. It simply means that their words, feelings, and thoughts are valuable. To you.

Then apologize. Perhaps you've stood there before throwing shot after shot with verbal jabs toward your opponent. Now it's time to own your part. Own your mistakes. Your selfish words. The bitterness that's rooted deep down inside that's been leading you to fight. And apologize.

Your offensive weapon of words isn't meant to beat down or crush spirits in this moment. It's meant for restoration. And it begins by choosing to admit your own faults. To apologize. To repent. Will it be easy? Certainly not. But that's the best response for resolving conflict and reconciling your relationships.

And to the runners; forgive and speak the truth. Flight should not be option numero uno. Stand in the gap. Relationships won't grow with gaps. "But you don't know what they've done?" You're right; I don't. But I know what we've all done to ruin the most important relationship we could ever have.

We all have faults. And our primary job is not to point out the speck in others' eyes. It's to remove the log of wrongdoing from our own eyes. Start by forgiving yourself. Sure, their words and actions can cut deeply. But our own internal accusations of ourselves can be just as damaging.

Avoiding conflict or running from the circumstances that simply add more baggage to the emotional suitcase we're carrying will only weigh us down even more. You've guarded against the emotional angst as best you can and now it's your turn. Stop. Forgive. Then, speak the truth. Start with you. Not them. Your attitude. Not theirs. Your hang-ups and bad habits. Not theirs.

Forgiving and speaking the truth keeps us in the fight. When we forgive others we free ourselves and when we speak the truth it provides a stronger bond to endure the next moment of conflict in our future. No more running. No more avoiding the situation. No more refusing to acknowledge the need for forgiveness and truth.

In most instances we have developed conflict management mechanisms to fight or flight by repeatedly choosing one or the other in past experiences. In either case, both require the necessity of change.

For the fighters, listen and apologize. But empty apologies void of true change are worthless. For the flighters, forgive and speak the truth. To remain bitter or never address the real issues by speaking the truth will cause the cycle of unresolved conflict to continue. There must be change. Where conflict is present, may grace and the desire for reconciliation be present all the more.

Disclaimer: While conflict is a natural part of all relationships, please know that abusive relationships are not. This topic in no way condones the emotional or physical abuse of another person. Conflict arises when differing views are shared. Verbal and physical dominance to control or manipulate others in relationships should not be expected or accepted. If you are in an abusive situation please seek professional help or contact local authorities.