I promise

I promise.

Words everyone longs to hear and yet oftentimes go forsaken in the midst of life unfolding in the most unlikely ways. All the while its those words that can still be found ringing in the ears of the betrayed and broken.

To find her dressed in white gleaming on her special day. Only to find her picking up the shattered pieces of what might have been. Replaying the memory of being down on bended knee in eager anticipation of hearing her say "Yes" has now been replaced with him on bended knee with the sickened feeling of wondering where to turn.

Whether it's the uncharitable disunity of a marriage, the severed ties of a parent and child, or the best of friends placing years of memories on the chopping block of petty selfish behavior, people have a way of choosing to disrupt years of stability with a few short moments of nonsensical behavior.

I recently had a conversation with a lady who felt like her life was on the brink of relational despair. While I didn't feel I had the words to console or encourage her in the moment, I couldn't shake the circumstances from my mind for several days before eventually tapping into my own experiences and suggesting some thoughts that began to help me deal with my own personal struggles.

Own your part and seek forgiveness. Relationships are developed between two less than stellar individuals who will always carry a fair share of responsibility for the direction of their relationship. And any time tension arises between those individuals it's important that they both own their contribution to the waves of that tension. Relationships have a greater chance to be reconciled when the offender recognizes the offense, chooses to change, and seeks the others' forgiveness to begin building trust again.

Extend forgiveness and trust God to heal you both. Individuals in relationships inevitably will offend the other. Humans are human. Imperfect. With flaws. They think differently. See differently. Just different. Incomplete. So, the best we can hope for is to believe that there's still work to be done. And that work comes in the form of healing. Bandaging the wounds of relationships with forgiveness and grace over long periods of time. And it's deeper than self help or the power of the mind. It really only comes in the form of someone greater stepping in to intervene and mediate our situation from the scope of eternity.

Filter others' advice and counsel. It's easy to get wrapped up emotionally in the appeals of others' facts, opinions, or nonsensical advice. What we need most in moments of broken relationships is for people to speak the truth in love. Those leading us to make wise decisions. Those more interested in our growing as a person than our ability to shoot darts of bitter venom at the offender.

Speak less. The more we speak when we're hurt the more likely we will begin to rationalize or justify our position to play the victim or execute judgment on those who've brought pain into our lives. Sharing our feelings and admitting our pain can be helpful in the healing process but we must careful with what is being poured out on paper, social media, and into the laps of those who will listen. Our hearts are fragile and certainly vulnerable to be shaped by the poison of bitterness, and what's locked up inside will eventually be spewed out when the lid on our mouths is released.

Spend more time alone with God. Perhaps the most profound notion we can take is simply look to find rest for our weary circumstances through being still. Thoughts running hundreds of miles per hour in our heads, asking questions like "what if" or "why" can be exhausting. And while we often fail to find answers to such questions I really believe there is a purpose in the pain. Our view of God is often blurred by our self-righteous acts and achievements. But it's in moments of devastation that an opportunity to see Him more clearly becomes possible. And He wants to create a change in us that otherwise may not be possible.

While I know this doesn't answer every question for the difficult circumstances in our lives nor does it bring healing to every fractured relationship, it does give a frame of reference for every individual seeking to find a journey toward healing.

I promise. These words invoke an overwhelming amount of trust or skepticism depending on our experiences with those who have such a claim. Here's what I believe, "every promise is Yes in Christ Jesus." He is doing a work in us that is incredibly life changing for our good and His glory!