What was I thinking?

I kissed my sister!

I know, right? I can't believe it either!

No amount of soap could wash away the taste. And I rubbed my eyes a thousand times hoping to erase what was now etched in my mind.

Before you go judging me too harshly or throwing stones at me like I'm some kind of stray dog wandering through your yard, hear me out.

She's not really my sister. It's just that we had grown so close it was like we shared the same thoughts, the same blood flowing through our veins; literally, the same heartbeat.

I've known the joys and pains of both being in relationship and being single. And to me, neither outweighs the other. Some people believe they do. Single for years, believing a relationship will heal past wounds or bring a happiness that singleness can't. But it's simply not true.

Others who believe that they are stuck in a relationship and finding a way out would free them from the prison they think they are in. We live in a world filled with deceptively eager minds. Where fairy tales only exist in our imagination and the bubbles of naïve romance are burst by the reality of two broken people trying to cure the other's brokenness.

The truth is, every season of singleness and relationship has one ultimate purpose, to chisel away the parts of you that you weren't meant to carry into the future. Every season is a period of molding. But our problem is, we seldom want to stay on the wheel until the work is done.

I don't have this figured out; not by a long shot. But I'm trying to learn and practice what I believe to be true, at least in my own circumstances.

Love is not easy. Many times, what we want is compatibility. Someone who thinks the way we think, likes what we like, and wants what we want. And often times we'll trade the sacrifice, commitment, and vulnerability of love for common interests on the surface of our relationship. We should never make an attempt to love on the basis of someone else's merit. That's not love at all. Love flows from somewhere deeper within; the place that says, "I love you anyway!"

Forgiveness is the goal. We spend a lifetime looking for Mr. or Miss Right only to find that riding off into the sunset makes for a good scene in some romantic movie. Nobody's perfect and we know that. But we start making exceptions. At least to believe that someone over there is better put together than this one right here. And instead of initiating forgiveness, because we know we aren't perfect, we shift the blame and look for a way out.

We compromise. We lose our minds. We follow our hearts. We begin to believe that our heart is the key to real, lasting happiness. But the sad reality is, our hearts can lead us down a path of momentary pleasure that can cause ultimate heartache in the end. It's like eating chocolate every day only to feel the pain of a cavity months later.

What we've done with our singleness is we've made it about us. What's wrong with me? Why am I not good enough? Why am I not pretty enough? Why won't somebody love me?

And we've even made our relationships about us. Why doesn't she respect me? Why can't he just be here for dinner? Why doesn't he tell me I'm pretty? Why can she not appreciate all I do for her?

So, in our singleness and our relationships we've created a playlist of questions for why our lives aren't perfect. Yet, we never really consider there was a time when we were unlovable. And Somebody chose to love us anyway. There was a time when we broke all the rules and instead of seeking justice, Someone offered forgiveness.

There was a time when that Someone didn't make it about Him; He made it about you. Ironically enough, what He did for you ultimately made it about Him. So, in light of His love and forgiveness, how do you need to love and forgive others in this season of your life?

It Will be My Joy to Say

Much of my life has been relatively easy. Comfortable. Convenient. Low risk. Not much sacrifice. But along the way, there have been moments where my faith has been tested. Where I've had to let wrestle the fleshly and spiritual parts of my being. And in those moments there has been an internal bleeding of the soul because of the declaration of war for my life; God's will or mine.

As a Christian for more than 25 years, I've heard (literally) hundreds of songs pertaining to faith and God. And of all the songs I've read, sang, or hummed, the most difficult has undoubtedly been, "It will be my joy to say 'Your will, Your way.'" (Lay Me Down - Chris Tomlin)

Some may wonder, "What's the big deal?" And, to be honest, that was me, at first. Just living in the moment of raised hands, mindlessly singing amid the smoke and lights filtering the room.

Here was my reality; my theology was colliding with my experience. When what seemed to be more overwhelming than the joy I thought God could bring I found myself singing the song in one breath and ultimately denying it in the next. In church. Lying in church. Talk about a hypocrite! And it was crushing me!

But somewhere along the way, I found the gem of God's relentless grace. I have seen God's unconditional love taking me through every season of life to make me more like His Son, and I know that He has the power to produce the joy that can only be experienced through knowing and doing His will.

Will we soon believe that joy, real joy, God-produced joy can be experienced in all seasons of life? Not until we realize that God is greater than our struggle. Greater than our past. Greater than all the blemishes we are trying to hide. Greater than our sin. Greater than the life we are trying to create for ourselves in our own strength. Greater than the grip of the lying, deceitful, God-opposing enemy who is offering the goods that many will settle for as a cheap substitute of God's grace and goodness.

If your season of life seems unbearable, if you're thinking about giving up, if you're questioning if this whole "God thing" is worth it, know that it's absolutely worth it to press on. Life will produce sorrow but joy will come with the morning (Ps 30:5). Life will make us weary but the joy of the Lord will be our strength (Neh 8:10). He will make a way for you to sing "It will be my joy to say Your will, Your way, Always!"

Life, Liberty, & the Pursuit of Happiness pt 3

A song from the 90's says, "if it makes you happy, it can't be that bad."

 

Really?
 

Chris Gardner, (Will Smith) in the "Pursuit of Happyness," speaks of our inalienable rights and suggests the genius of Jefferson's plight with the phrase 'pursuit of happiness.' It's as if to say we have the right to train our ambitious minds to attain this emotional state of ecstasy all the while realizing that it may simply be a figment of our imagination. 
 

"How can you say that happiness could be just a figment of our imagination? After all, doesn't God just want us to be happy?"
 

Here's what I know. Happiness can be an elusive creature that causes pain and heartache if it's promise isn't fulfilled.  

God created everything to be good; hence, happiness implied. But man's struggle to be satisfied by such perfect harmony resulted in a rebellious notion to sin. This attempt for a lifestyle of superficial happiness in the garden, in turn, led to a disappointing end.  

While we have continued to pursue our own means of happiness God has unveiled His redemptive plan to secure His original design; a relationship with Him. But why? Where Jefferson and Gardner fail to clearly explain this course of happiness, God continues to declare that our greatest joy is found in Him alone.
 

So, if happiness is not meant to be the climactic pursuit of this life, then, what is? If the apex of man's existence is not some moment of emotional ecstasy, what shall we say?

Perhaps God is wanting to chart a different course for us; the pursuit of something greater than the warm feelings of a happy heart. "Pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace...from a pure heart" (2 Tim 2:22). When our pursuit of God navigates our thoughts, emotions, speech, and actions, we will find the greatest satisfaction known to man.

Don't seek to be happy! Seek God in His holy splendor and trust that when you find Him [yet, when He finds you], you will find all your heart ever longed for!