My Pleasure

What is your favorite fast food restaurant?

For breakfast; Hardee's or Bojangles? With kids; McDonald's or Wendy's? With friends; a Zaxby's platter or Little Caesar's Hot-n-Ready? These decisions are always tough and vary with the shifting circumstances of who, what, when, and where.

My favorite restaurant, without question, is Chic-Fil-A. I don't know if it's the product of such great food, the customer service that goes above and beyond typical fast food chains, or the leadership and character qualities they employ with each member of their team.

But there's one thing I know I can always count on; it's hearing these words ringing from every checkout line, "My pleasure!" Without fail, those words always follow the exchange of my money for their #1 combo with a lemonade.

Have you ever thought about what it would sound like to hear God say, "My pleasure?"

He did.

"It pleased the Lord to crush Him."

Jesus was betrayed by His own disciple, falsely accused by His own countrymen, beaten by Roman guards, and ultimately executed by crucifixion and it pleased the Father to see His son agonizing in pain under the weight of such a devastating event.

"Father if there is any way to pass this cup from me, nevertheless may your will be done." And it pleased the Father.

"Eloi Eloi lama sabachthani?!" [My God, my God why have you forsaken Me?] Yet, it pleased the Father.

How could He be pleased?

Think about the paradox of this event. Jesus had all authority but surrendered himself to the Father's will. His suffering brought pleasure to the Father. He gave up His life for us to have life. His body was broken that we may become beautiful.

He tasted the bitterness of death that we may taste the sweetness of life. Because of this exchange, this transaction, our account has been paid in full with His words, "It is finished!"

How did Jesus muster up the boldness and the breath to speak these words? Very simply; He was obedient, He was willing to surrender, He had faith in His Father.

And what about you? What is required of you to hear God speak "My pleasure" over your life? Obey; God's will be done. Surrender; give your life into His hands. Faith; trust Him with every situation in your life.

The daunting task of crushing His son was the necessary payment to make this great exchange. And on Sunday when Jesus arose from the grave the invitation was given that we may receive life.

How fitting is it that Chic-Fil-A would be closed on Sundays; the day God opened the door to life and provided a seat at the table of His presence?

Dropping the 'F' Bomb

Have you ever said something you wish you could take back? 

I remember like it was yesterday playing at a friend's house as a kid. Amidst all the running around I remember smelling something terrible. And without hesitating, I looked at my friend and said, "Who farted?" 

The look on his face was priceless. He gave a blank stare then turned to his mom as she cocked her head with a look of disappointment and said, "We don't say the 'F' word." 

What just happened? You mean to tell me that I just dropped the 'F' bomb!

I know. I get it. We've all heard worse. Said worse. Thought worse. I mean, really, how terrible can that 'F' word be? There are countless other words that defame, exclude, and cause issue with those in our midst than that.

What about these 'F' words? Fine, fear, failure. I would suggest using these words to describe our attitudes and behaviors can be more detrimental than some other words we tend to think are brash and unacceptable in our dialogue. 

We believe the lie that we're fine. How are you? Fine. How are the kids? Fine. How's your job? Fine. Everything's fine. Seriously? When, in reality, you're physically and emotionally fatigued. Your spouse is lonely. Your kids are craving attention. Your performance at work is lacking. But in your mind, everything is fine. 

We need to stop tipping our hats with these friendly gestures and learn to be honest and transparent with those who can hold us accountable for our words and actions. Fine has become a word of endearment to keep others from digging beneath the surface and reaching the depths of our heart.  

Our best moments are being paralyzed by fear. We don't seize opportunities for success and adventure because we fear the possibilities of being de-railed along the way. Too often the risk of the unknown outweighs our attempts to accomplish or experience something new in our life. 

We often feel victimized and demonized by our past failures. We feel our identity is wrapped up in what we've done instead of who we are. Our minds are like a punching bag mauling our thoughts with words of guilt and condemnation. Our self-worth has been decimated under the scrutiny of our past mistakes. And this couldn't be further from the truth. 

We need to stop dropping the 'F' bomb and start cleaning up our speech. We need to learn how to take every thought captive. What does that mean? We need to pour our words through a filter that provides a fresh, life-altering, life-giving view of who we are and what we're to do. 

No, we're not perfect. No, we don't have it all figured out. No, we don't have all the answers. But we have a direct line to the One who knows the truth about how we're doing, who can cast out fear and doubt, and who forgives our past mistakes. He alone is the ultimate 'F' bomb; He's our Father. 

When God Doesn't Hear

"God, please don't let this happen. Will you take this away? I'll do whatever it takes. Please just answer my prayer!"

But He didn't.

In moments of desperation or in an act to avoid the pain we make our plea for God to intervene. Yet He often chooses not to intercept the pain and suffering which has allowed many of us to bear the emotional and spiritual scars to prove it.

We've all made those requests, those propositions, those promises. God if you'll do A, then I'll do B. It's as if we can convince God to act on our behalf with a list of words meant to manipulate His plan.

It's not that He doesn't want to hear from us or turns a deaf ear toward our requests. It's simply learning to understand how life's circumstances, all of them, are being used to accomplish His purposes.

So, why doesn't He answer all of our prayers?

God values our progress more than removing our pain. We're on a journey to a certain destination; Christ-likeness. And it's a sanctifying process. And sometimes that means encountering various trials in our life that are meant to chisel away some unnecessary traits in our character that deprive us from seeing Him more clearly or becoming more like His Son.

God values our long term relationship more than our momentary requests. God is our Father and it would be unloving of Him to remove every obstacle from our path and constantly give handouts that didn't ensure a growing maturity in our relationship with Him. We are practicing delayed gratification; learning not to settle for momentary pleasures that would diminish the anticipation of our ultimate treasure.

God values who we become more than what we receive. We will never be complete apart from experiencing every season of life God desires. Yes, He gives good gifts. But He will also deny us some of our requests. And it will be for our benefit when He does. As our lives are constantly being renewed, we see our ever-present Father love us in a way that we could not know if all He did was give us what we asked.

I once heard a guy say, "God does exactly what we would do if we knew everything God knows!" And I'm confident that one day we will agree with the great theologian Garth Brooks and say, "Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers."

The next time you're tempted to think that God is absent or unloving, remember God is using every circumstance in your life to accomplish His eternal purposes. And it's ultimately for your good and His glory.

Light and Momentary Afflictions

In the emergency room writhing in pain.

Sitting around the dinner table crushed by the accusations.

Walking the halls of a school not your first choice.

Standing in the driveway stunned by the doctor's latest news.

At her bedside saying good-bye for the last time.

Watching them walk away feeling betrayed and alone.

It's moments like these that our reality comes crashing down around us. And to hear others say, "It's going to be ok, God's still in control, or they're time's coming" aren't always the most consoling words for our worn out minds and busted hearts.

The truth is, things will eventually get better and the sun is going to rise again and we are going to get back up on our feet. But in the heat of such moments we're all tempted to fold. To throw in the towel. To scream the obscenities associated with life being unfair.

In our world, those circumstances are heavy and real. But to the onlookers casting a ballot of insignificance toward our situation, they fail to see how wounded we are on the inside. They lack the empathy or the wherewithal to even begin to understand.

Having personally experienced all the above mentioned scenarios, I'm learning how to come out on the other side with a renewed understanding of life. As Martin Luther King Jr, once said, learning "to be judged by the content of their character."

So, here are two simple thoughts that I'm trying to let my mind navigate as I encounter the various difficult seasons of life.

Embrace this season. There are circumstances that we encounter that are beyond our control. We can choose to deny what's going on in our lives, blame others for what's happening to us, or embrace the situation and ride the difficult waves of our trials to the end.

Choose to change. Difficult seasons do one of two things; make us bitter or make us better. It's likely that we've heard that old adage before but it's so true. Our trials are producing a particular attitude that is monumentally shaping our perspective toward life, others, and God. And to simply remain neutral is not optional. The most advantageous response to our situation is to become more humble and more honorable in our interactions with God and others.

Someone once told me, "God does not waste any pain." I didn't believe it at the time because my world was crashing down all around me. But as I continued to walk through the fire I slowly began to see the work that was producing a different me. There were sinful attitudes and expressions of selfishness being exposed, and empathy toward others walking through similar battles that I was able to acknowledge.

And while the weight of our trials can seem unbearable at times, God says they are light and momentary. The good news is He will never abandon us in those moments of fear, angst, betrayal, or desperation.

He has a plan for our lives. A plan that involves both grace and blessing and suffering and difficulty. One that causes us to scratch our heads at times and ask, "Why?" But He promises that in the end it will be light and momentary compared to the eternal weight of glory working in us.

What was I thinking?

I kissed my sister!

I know, right? I can't believe it either!

No amount of soap could wash away the taste. And I rubbed my eyes a thousand times hoping to erase what was now etched in my mind.

Before you go judging me too harshly or throwing stones at me like I'm some kind of stray dog wandering through your yard, hear me out.

She's not really my sister. It's just that we had grown so close it was like we shared the same thoughts, the same blood flowing through our veins; literally, the same heartbeat.

I've known the joys and pains of both being in relationship and being single. And to me, neither outweighs the other. Some people believe they do. Single for years, believing a relationship will heal past wounds or bring a happiness that singleness can't. But it's simply not true.

Others who believe that they are stuck in a relationship and finding a way out would free them from the prison they think they are in. We live in a world filled with deceptively eager minds. Where fairy tales only exist in our imagination and the bubbles of naïve romance are burst by the reality of two broken people trying to cure the other's brokenness.

The truth is, every season of singleness and relationship has one ultimate purpose, to chisel away the parts of you that you weren't meant to carry into the future. Every season is a period of molding. But our problem is, we seldom want to stay on the wheel until the work is done.

I don't have this figured out; not by a long shot. But I'm trying to learn and practice what I believe to be true, at least in my own circumstances.

Love is not easy. Many times, what we want is compatibility. Someone who thinks the way we think, likes what we like, and wants what we want. And often times we'll trade the sacrifice, commitment, and vulnerability of love for common interests on the surface of our relationship. We should never make an attempt to love on the basis of someone else's merit. That's not love at all. Love flows from somewhere deeper within; the place that says, "I love you anyway!"

Forgiveness is the goal. We spend a lifetime looking for Mr. or Miss Right only to find that riding off into the sunset makes for a good scene in some romantic movie. Nobody's perfect and we know that. But we start making exceptions. At least to believe that someone over there is better put together than this one right here. And instead of initiating forgiveness, because we know we aren't perfect, we shift the blame and look for a way out.

We compromise. We lose our minds. We follow our hearts. We begin to believe that our heart is the key to real, lasting happiness. But the sad reality is, our hearts can lead us down a path of momentary pleasure that can cause ultimate heartache in the end. It's like eating chocolate every day only to feel the pain of a cavity months later.

What we've done with our singleness is we've made it about us. What's wrong with me? Why am I not good enough? Why am I not pretty enough? Why won't somebody love me?

And we've even made our relationships about us. Why doesn't she respect me? Why can't he just be here for dinner? Why doesn't he tell me I'm pretty? Why can she not appreciate all I do for her?

So, in our singleness and our relationships we've created a playlist of questions for why our lives aren't perfect. Yet, we never really consider there was a time when we were unlovable. And Somebody chose to love us anyway. There was a time when we broke all the rules and instead of seeking justice, Someone offered forgiveness.

There was a time when that Someone didn't make it about Him; He made it about you. Ironically enough, what He did for you ultimately made it about Him. So, in light of His love and forgiveness, how do you need to love and forgive others in this season of your life?

Super Bowl Sunday!

It's Super Bowl Sunday! Perhaps the most notorious sporting event of the year. Where Levi's Stadium, home of the San Francisco 49er's, will become a cathedral of thousands of football fans from coast to coast.

Millions of people will gather around TV screens in homes, dorms, and bars to consume billions of pounds of chicken wings, chips and salsa, and assorted snacks and beverages.

Die hard fans will watch every second of every play, re-winding hard hits and impossible catches, all their favorite commercials, and hope for a last second Hail Mary to watch a limping Peyton go out on top or see the beginning of a dynasty as Cam dabs his way to what could be the 1st of more rings to come.

Even the fair weather fans of NFL football will tune in if for nothing else to see the pre-game hype of analysts' preferences and opinions drawn from the tactical game plans given by film or their favorite interviews and headlines found throughout the season.

Of course there will be a subgroup of hipsters anticipating a halftime show that includes Coldplay, Beyoncé, and Bruno Mars. Where a 20 minute stage will most assuredly entertain millions perhaps more than the 60 minutes of hard hitting football between the goal lines.

You see, we are all entertained by something or someone. For some, it's sports. For others, it's movies, politics, world-wide news, economics, history, or literature.

And little by little we've let the concept of entertainment seep its way into the pews, stages, and nurseries of our churches. We've placed a priority on our preferences above the central message of the church; the gospel of Jesus Christ.

We jump on the bandwagons of musical style, emotional appeal, and therapeutic sermons that are highly concentrated on the idea of consumerism. As long as there is a balanced reciprocation of feel good moments we find ourselves sitting in chairs, volunteering in the nursery, or creating automatic bank drafts to support our attempts of purpose and entertainment.

Rather than finding ourselves being Super Bowl fans of the church, we need to find ourselves committing to the ongoing ethic of loving God and loving others. Not seeking to be entertained by this church until the next wave of popularity breeds another large crowd down the street.

What many of us don't realize from the TV set is all the hard work, blood, sweat, and tears these two teams have endured to be playing on Super Bowl Sunday. And the (loose) correlation for the church is to realize that God is ready and willing to acknowledge the faithfulness of the body of Christ; His church.

crummy gods!

My son recently had a crying party; one of those snot-slinging, can't catch my breath, I'm trying to quit but can't meltdowns. M-E-L-T-D-O-W-N. Upset, distraught, emotionally torn.

No he wasn't in the floor of the cereal aisle spinning in circles because he didn't get his way. He wasn't throwing toys at me in the doorway because I told him to clean his room. It was just some twinge that triggered an emotional response. And when I asked him what was wrong he simply couldn't find the words to express why.

It happens to all of us.

So then the questions started firing on all cylinders in my head. Was it something I did? Was it something I said? Am I bad parent? Is this the product of poor decisions made on my part? Have I ignored his mental and emotional check engine light?

"My son is my world! He means everything to me! I won't let anything get between him and me!" It's statements like these and others just like it that I've said, heard from others, and often read on social media from parents just like me.

But I started to realize that I've placed an unfair weight, a heavy burden, on my son that he was never meant to carry. That my happiness, my purpose, and my dreams should be placed on him to satisfy the deepest parts of my being.

Nobody can live up to that; no child, no spouse, no significant other. No career, no car, no other possession.

Singles believe a relationship will cure their loneliness. Students think a career will satisfy their need for purpose. Spouses believe a new relationship or a child will heal the wounds of brokenness and unhappiness. But it doesn't work that way.

These are all crummy gods!

There's something inside all of us that we need. We need to belong and feel accepted. We need to feel safe and secure. We need to be free and able to explore. We need to find purpose and fulfillment.

And we go about this epic search in the wilderness places of this world hoping we will find the answers to all of life's questions. And we make functional saviors out of people, places, and possessions that can never fully satisfy.

We would never admit to bowing down to idols by worshipping anyone or anything like the carved images of Baal, Ashteroth, or even the golden calf, but if we're honest, we spend much of our lives placing our trust in crummy gods like our spouses, children, careers, and awards.

Our lives will never be happy and our souls will never be satisfied until it finds rest in knowing that Jesus Christ is the one and only source that our souls crave. We will never be more accepted, more secure, more free, or more fulfilled until our lives are hidden in Him.

When our identity is found in Christ then our behavior will be a reflection of Him to whom we belong.

The Art of Conversation

We have conversations everyday, oftentimes with ourselves, where we conjure up a fine presentation of exquisite vocabulary to present facts, express opinions, or simply talk about the weather.

Yet, inevitably our conversations tend to go sideways with spouses, children, friends, co-workers, strangers, and adversaries when our words, spoken softly in one's ear or bouncing loudly off the walls, are misheard.

And what happens when those words are misaligned or misinterpreted? Our differing views lead to sharp disagreements, controversy, and often times angry hearts! We simply do not know how to agree to disagree.

We seldom communicate with others in a way that makes us better for seeing someone else's perspective. We become so arrogant of our own experiences that we believe we're always right or have grander stories to tell. So narrow-minded that we balk at any consideration that others could add value to the conversation.

We see it in politics, business deals, and families talking around the dinner table. Our attempt to push our agenda, to make the deal, or to get our point across can sometimes blur our vision of the person sitting across the room. How do we not only find value in someone's words but also find value in the person we are engaging in the conversation?

Speak Less, Listen More. Engaging in conversation doesn't require giving proposals, clarifying an agenda, or stating a list of demands. Sometimes the best conversations are the ones where we simply let the other person express how they're feeling or share what they're experiencing. Be interested and attentive. Giving them space to share their hopes and dreams can be life-giving.

Speak the Truth. Conversations that require you to choose a side or defend a position can become intense. Speak the truth. Never resort to manipulation or coercion in an attempt to win an argument, but maintain a position of integrity so there's never an opportunity to bring your character into question. The truth always brings validity to the conversation. Always choose honesty over deceit.

Speak in Love. Conversations always occur between people, not ideas. The point of the conversation isn't to outdo, outsmart, or outwit someone else. It's to bridge gaps and build relationships. Speaking the truth is necessary but not at the expense of the friendship. Speak the truth in love. Choose to value the person more than valuing your own words. Hanging our words on the mantle of self-absorption will melt away in the heat of humble circumstances.

As you continue to have conversations consider these ideas. Don't be quick to speak and don't spend so much time mounting up some response when someone else is speaking. When you decide to speak, speak in a way that the truth is shared as your story is told. See others as important. People who have needs and desires and emotions and significance. Learn to value others as your stories collide in a thunderous heap of words!

...and a Happy New Year: Humility Overshadows Pride!

What is it that you crave at Christmas gatherings? Traditional ham or turkey dinners? Christmas morning breakfast? Anticipating Santa's arrival with cookies and milk? Admiring the exchange of Christmas gifts? The re-telling of the Christmas story?

We all have our favorite parts of Christmas and New Years celebrations! And sometimes, if we're not careful, we'll lose sight of those around us and place the spotlight on ourselves. Here's what I mean. Christmas is all about Jesus, Santa, or the kids. Yet, there's always somebody else who writes their name in the script and moves into the spotlight of such occasions.

We all know Ryan Seacrest holds the spotlight of Dick Clark's New Year's Bash but someone else is always seeking to become the host of their own little bash in the cul-de-sac of their small town and become the next YouTube sensation.

And so it is, the ongoing question, how do we make for a Happy New Year?

Demand less.

The Christmas story has a fascinating twist that is so counterintuitive of the expectations of society. The people wanted a leader to rise up to provide military, political, and economic success but what they received was a baby born to an unknown family in an unfamiliar way prepared to walk an unlikely path.

Mary, Joseph, the shepherds, the wise men, the innkeeper, and the rest of people in that day had no idea exactly what was taking place the night of Jesus' birth. But here is the unique twist that Christians believe happened that night. Jesus left heaven for earth. And he was on a mission that led him from the cradle to the cross.

You see, when Jesus was born, the Father knew that his siblings would be suspect of him, the Pharisees would test him, a disciple would betray him, and the soldiers would crucify him. Yet, He did not deny His responsibility to find His greatest happiness in unwavering obedience.

But look how drastically different many of our lives will be. We walk through life making demands, giving orders, placing expectations on others that they cannot uphold. No wonder so many people live miserable and frustrated lives. Never good enough for others. Never satisfied with receiving the penultimate gifts of this life.

If we truly want to be happy we must learn to demand less. Be grateful for what we have. See everything in this life as a gift. Realize that we're not as good as we think we are and most definitely not as deserving as we think we should be.

Happiness will be more opportunistic when we learn the difference between rights and responsibilities. Jesus knew the difference. He deserved His seat at the right hand of the Father but He excused Himself from His seat to fulfill a responsibility that would enable us to truly be happy, to find life in Him.

And so it is with you and me. If you want to be happy this year, make less demands. Instead of giving orders, take orders. Instead of priding yourself with being at the top, lower yourself beneath others. Be more like Jesus, who picked up a towel and basin of water, and washed the disciples' feet. He humbled Himself. Happiness always takes the path of humility over pride, every time!

...and a Happy New Year: Generosity Overshadows Greed!

If you had to choose one character to personify your Christmas experience, who would it be? Clark Griswald, Scrooge, the Grinch, Ralphie, Will Ferrell, Kevin McAllister, Tim Allen, the Kranks...

Is your Christmas experience best summed up by what you get? What you give? How about dodging weird cousin Eddie?

I can see it now. Kids' faces as they open their last gift. Looks of exasperation as if to say, "That's it? That's all it was?" Waiting 364 days for a 2 minute and 49 second moment of frenzy strolling wrapping paper across the room. But the rehearsed lines of 'Merry Christmas' and 'thank you' were completely drowned out by hearts of disappointment.

We all struggle with the frustration of setting high, albeit most likely unmet, expectations that no amount of toys, gadgets, food, or good company can meet.

And the question remains, how do we move from Merry Christmas to a Happy New Year?

Give more.

I'm not making an attempt to calculate or categorize the character of these figures, but consider the this one moment in time as the shepherds and wise men made their way to visit baby Jesus. The star was shone and the journey began. A caravan of individuals bringing gifts of extreme worth, gold, frankincense, and myrrh, clearly not expecting anything in return.

There was no sign of disappointment or exasperation. And it seems there was a sense of happiness and fulfillment provided by their offering and merely sitting around admiring the gift God had brought into the world.

We live in a fast paced world of demands reaching higher and higher for what can be accumulated, accomplished, and approved. Essentially, we live in a world that is teaching us that it is more important to consider what we can receive than what we can give.

But truth be told, our attempts to be satisfied by merely what we possess or have received is a misleading fable told by countless addicts of false happiness. The toys we own, the cars we drive, the houses where we live, the jobs we hold are all secondary to the heart desiring to be happy.

A person set in the direction of happiness must learn to give more, recognizing that what we have is meant to be dispensed in a way that generates a heart of generosity. When our heart looks like an episode of Hoarders we will never feel the freedom and happiness that generosity creates.

Generosity, our willingness to give more, requires discipline. It's not natural. It's not easy. And, at first, it's not always enjoyable. Finding happiness by giving more, thus momentarily having less, seems so counterintuitive. But it's proven to be overwhelmingly rewarding.

Here's three ideas to having a greater awareness for giving more. First, give generously. Don't be stingy with what you have. It's likely that you've been blessed beyond what you deserve so don't be afraid to freely open your hands to give what initially seems unlikely.

Next, give sacrificially. Some of us may understand the phrase "give until it hurts," but most of us have a low tolerance for financial pain. Sacrificial giving becomes a great reminder of the cost required to buy our personal, physical, spiritual freedom and happiness.

Lastly, give joyfully. Begrudging generosity isn't generosity at all. Remember that as you give your heart is being set free from your own kingdom of good works that's  collecting moths and rust.

This new year will create a happier version of yourself when you prize others as more important than yourself. And while the importance of others will spur you to let go of what you have for their sake, it's ultimately for your sake. While greed is our attempt to acquire more to be happy, generosity frees our heart to be happy by giving more. So, choose to give more and be happy!